Life happens

Hello, everyone.

This project is on hold, for a number of reasons. The biggest is… actually, okay, not even going to lie, it’s depression.

Depression’s a serious thing, if you didn’t know; it sucks out all your motivation to do and be and exist and live. And I have it. I have it bad. I can still function, day to day, but keeping my mind focused on large projects like this is pretty much impossible. I’m stuck, that’s the long and short of it, I’ve lost track of my research and how I’m organizing this thing and… everything.

I won’t be able to finish this in time for my thesis, that’s for sure. I’m not abandoning it entirely, of course—I’ve come too far for that. But I do know that I can’t continue at the pace that I was, not if I want to keep a day job (which I kind of have to. This project doesn’t exactly pay the bills)

I completely dropped the ball on writing about PhilCon, which is truly unfortunate, because I learned a lot there and had a lot of my suspicions about SF fan culture re-confirmed. I also failed to write about Arisia, but that’s mostly because Arisia hit when my depression was at its worst: I could barely get out of bed in the morning, and I spent most of the con in a barely functional haze, feeling like someone else was doing the smiling and talking. 

Upcoming cons:

* Probably going to skip out on Boskone. I really can’t handle it right now, I feel sick and angry at myself. I may show up one or two days, but mostly I think I may spend this weekend sleeping. Sorry.

* PAXEast. I’m an Enforcer. This is intimidating.

* Gamefest! This is a tiny, brand-new event run by the Smithsonian. It’s probably only happening once. You should go!

* SanDiego Comic Con. I still haven’t bought a plane ticket…

* Chicon 7

And… that may be it, for a very long time. My life becomes increasingly complicated year by year. I have no idea where I’m going to be in 2013, if I’ll even have a job, if I’ll even have graduated. I’ll keep fighting, though, and I still love this subject, even when it hurts me. Cons are such vibrant, strange, impossible places, regardless of genre, and the more I look at them the more I can see that gossamer thread connecting them all… and, at the same time, the more I start to feel that many cons are going to need to go through some drastic changes if they’re going to survive the coming century. But I think as a cultural phenomenon they will survive, and grow. Science fiction and fantasy have gone mainstream, even if the fandom hasn’t, this is an ingraned, integral part of our culture now. As long as that’s true, people will want to gather and talk about it.

Anyway. Got a headache and a pile of writing to do for grad school (NOT about conventions, sadly), so, signing off. 

  1. #1 by lverhulst on February 15, 2012 - 9:33 pm

    Just remember that depression is a lying bitch and you are not alone. *hugs*

    Good luck and I’ll see you at Chicon 7.

    • #2 by Conventioneering on February 16, 2012 - 3:55 am

      oh wow thank you so much for this comment. I… actually had feared that nobody was even still looking to read this blog. It’s so heartening to know that someone does, seriously, that… I dunno, that somebody cares.
      This really made my day so much better, thank you.

      • #3 by Thamer on May 25, 2012 - 12:30 am

        Each nation, like each indaviduil, has one theme in this life which is its centre, the principal note round which every other note comes to form the harmony. If any one nation attempts to throw off its national vitality, the direction that has become its own through the transmission of centuries, that nation dies In India religious life forms the centre, the keynote of the whole music of national life Social reform and politics has to be preached through that vitality of your religion. Every man has to make his own choice, so has every nation. We made our choice centuries ago. -VivekanandaOn a personal note, I think it has been a good choice.

  2. #4 by lverhulst on February 16, 2012 - 3:51 pm

    That’s the thing about depression – it lies and tells you that no one’s listening, that no one cares. But it’s not true. There are more people listening and more people who care than you think. I’ve liked reading your posts and I hope to read more of them in the future. Take care. 🙂

  3. #5 by SKleefeld on February 19, 2012 - 2:04 am

    FWIW, I’ve still got your blog tagged as well. There’s a lot of people in different fandoms, but there are very few people actually trying to study it in any way. I’m not doing as much research on it now as I have in the past, but I’m certainly hopefully more people like yourself continue to look at it.

    “Can know all the math in the ‘verse but take a boat in the air that you don’t love? She’ll shake you off just as sure as a turn in the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughtta fall down…tell you she’s hurtin’ ‘fore she keens…makes her a home.”

    Mal was talking about Serenity there, but it kind of works for fandom too. 😉

  4. #6 by Vincent Sanders on February 22, 2012 - 7:49 am

    “Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.” You are not alone.

    • #7 by Lyfaz on May 23, 2012 - 6:14 am

      Bhatnagar provides the folliwong quote from the Ramayana: “Rama was born on the Navami tithi of Shukla Paksha of Chaitra masa (9th day of the increasing phase of the moon in the lunar month of Chaitra). At that time, the nakshatra was Punarvasu, and Sun, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter and Venus were in Aries, Capricorn, Libra, Cancer and Pisces respectively. Lagna was Cancer and Jupiter & Moon were shining together. — Ramayana 1.18.8,9The conditions can be summarized as follows, according to Bhatnagar:1. Sun in Aries2. Saturn in Libra3. Jupiter in Cancer4. Venus in Pisces5. Mars in Capricorn6. Lunar month of Chaitra7. 9th day after New Moon (Navami Tithi, Shukla Paksh)8. Moon near Punarvasu Nakshatra (Pollux star in Gemini constellation)9. Cancer as Lagna (Cancer constellation rising in the east)10. Jupiter above the horizonAccording to the Planetarium software, it provides the folliwong date: Sri Rama Navami 10th January 5114 BCE Birth Day of Rama, Observation at 12.30 p.m.Bhatnagar continues: “By using a powerful planetarium software, I found that the planetary positions mentioned in Ramayana for the date of birth of Lord Ram had occurred in the sky at around 12.30 p.m. of 10th January 5114 BC. It was the ninth day of the Shukla Paksh of Chaitra month too. Moving forward, after 25 years of the birth of Lord Ram, the position of planets in the sky tallies with their description in Ramayana. Again, on the amavasya (new moon) of the 10th month of the 13th year of exile the solar eclipse had indeed occurred and the particular arrangement of planets in the sky was visible. ( Date comes to 7th October, 5077 BC). Even the occurrence of subsequent two eclipses also tally with the respective description in Valmiki Ramayana. (Date of Hanuman’s meeting Sita at Lanka was 12th September, 5076 BC). In this manner the entire sequence of the planetary positions gets verified and all the dates can be precisely determined.”

  5. #8 by Jason @ Game Convention Central on June 18, 2012 - 4:29 pm

    I just stumbled across your site while working on my game convention list. I think what you are doing is great and hope the convention calendar we’ve put together at can be of some help. So far we’ve listed about 400 conventions that are either predominantly gaming related or offer gaming areas/tracks.

    If when you get back into the swing of things there is anything we can do to help, just reach out and let us know.

    All the best!

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